BEWARE! Vent that will offend some to follow. I apologize in advance to anyone I offend. BUT it is my blog and my outlet so I should be able to say what I want.
I am a member of quite a few message boards and lurk on a few IVF boards. Lately it has come to my attention that women undergoing IF treatments don’t want to see kids in the waiting room of a Fertility clinic. It is too painful for them.
I understand this too an extent, but at the same time I find it frustrating. First, they don’t know this family’s situation. They don’t have any idea what lengths they went through to conceive that child. They don’t know if that is their biological child or not. They simply know nothing. Second, they don’t know why those people had to bring that child there. They aren’t doing it to hurt anyone. The parents of that child probably had no choice in the matter. I read one post that said, one parent should stay in the car with the child. Ummmmm………what if both parents need to be in the appointment?
I find it inconsiderate of these women to feel this way. I understand the parents already have a child and these women do not, but for one moment they need to open their hearts and consider what that couple is going through. Maybe they have to have genetic testing done on embryos because their older child has an incurable genetic disease. Maybe they just lost a baby at 30 weeks and are going back for their consult to start treatments again and cannot bear to be away from their child who is still alive. Maybe they simply, no matter how hard they tried, could not find a babysitter.
I do everything in my power to not bring L to the clinic with me, but every once in a while I have no choice. In July, my HCG came back really high during my ectopic and the docs office wanted to do another series of Methotrexate shots, immediately. My husband was at work and could not get off. And literally every member of my family was away on a vacation that I had to come home early from because there was concern that my tube would rupture while I was gone and I would die. So I took her with me. I had no other choice. I had to get the shots and I sure has H wasn’t leaving a 3 year old alone in the car.
At some point we have to stop focusing on our own pain and realize that life is going on around us and we can either learn to enjoy it or suffer in silence. I personally choose to embrace the children around me and look on them ALL as blessings. My best friend got pregnant six weeks after I did last winter. I lost my son. She didn’t. I could have pulled out of the friendship or at least pulled back. I chose not to. I hosted her baby shower of 50+ women. I have supported her and been there for her through out her pregnancy. When her son was born in November, I won’t lie, I had a few bad moments of tears and jealousy, but I pulled my head out of my arse and reminded myself that children are gifts. I hope to receive that gift again. BUT if I don’t I will not begrudge others being given that gift.
Instead of being bothered by children in an infertility clinic we should see it as a chance to rejoice and hope. Rejoice that a couple who had a reason to be in that clinic has a child. And hope that we are in that couple’s shoes one day. Back after our success ready to ride the roller coaster again.
The Walking Dead 6x09 Session 6 Episode 9
10 years ago
2 comments:
*clap* *clap* *clap*
Well said and I totally agree... women need to accept children as a whole and see them for the miracles they are instead of resenting the fact that they don't 'have' one of their own.
I am one of those who have a hard time seeing pregnant women or children at the fertility clinic. It has nothing to do with resenting the women or the children - nothing at all. I have many friends who have children who I love despite the fact that I haven't been able to have a child. I deal with children in many places and many aspects of my life and think I do just fine.
For some reason at the fertility clinic it makes me feel like a failure. I can't even explain why. I sit there completely aware that the women sitting there have most likely gone through just as much, if not more, than I have to have that baby. But for some reason it still feels like someone is punching me in the stomach and it always makes me cry. I can't explain it. It isn't logical and I promise it isn't resentment and I am glad that those women have been successful - it is hopeful and promising.
Maybe it is because I just don't expect it there. I don't know. I do know that I am on one of the boards that you are a member on and I've said stuff about this very subject recently and I never thought about how it might hurt someone on the board that has a child already. I really just was venting because I thought of all places, the women on the support forum would be the only people that would understand something I knew to be illogical. I'm sorry.
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