Beta Day

I went into today with little to no expectations. I tested yesterday, and it was the same line as the day before. I even cried on my way home from Beta.

Of course, I got the call as I was pulling out of the driveway on the way to a meeting that I could not miss. It was Doctor T. My beta was a 1. Yep that’s right, FRER apparently picks up a 1. He wants me to stay on the PIO and estrace until Friday and do another Beta then, just to be sure I don’t have a very late implanter. But there really isn’t any hope.

The hardest part about the call was that he kept apologizing. He really thought this was going to work. At least 5 times in the call he said how sorry he was and that he really wasn’t expecting this. Me either. I really thought it was gonna work.

Why didn’t it? Maybe I really am not supposed to have anymore kids. I feel a huge sense of loss. It is almost like I had a miscarriage. It really, really hurts. I thought I would handle it better. But I don’t think I realized how attached I would become to my embryos. I am just so sad and disappointed.

I will post more later about our plans for the future, etc. For now I need to go cuddle with L.