Miss Smarty Pants

We haven't told Lou yet about Bernie, because when we lost my son in April 09 she was devastated. She cried and cried. She repeatedly told me "you promised" and "you said." For months afterward whenever she prayed she prayed for "the baby in mommy's tummy to come back." It was excruciatingly painful to watch her suffer like that. Especially while dealing with my own grief. Consequently, we had been waiting.

On Sunday morning we were getting ready to leave the house, M, Lou and I were all in the bathroom. (Yes, we have three bathrooms but all tend to use the Master). Anyway, as I am getting dressed, I realized how large my tummy was already. I was wearing an empire waist dress but still; Huge belly!

Of course I tell M "wow this is scary. It is way to soon." And I was holding my hand above and below my belly to emphasize the size. Lou looks at it and says "Oh my gosh....there is a baby in mommy's tummy. Daddy! Daddy! I am getting a sister."

Seriously what 4 year old assumes there is a baby in a tummy from the size and shape?! She is such a little smarty pants!

We had a little talk with her and told her, that we "think so" but we are not sure yet. It is still so soon. I don't want her to hurt like that if we lose this one too. I am praying that it will be a non-issue and that in 33 weeks she will get to meet Bernie, her healthy little brother or sister, but with my history I just want to be cautious.

Seriously though, what a smart kid I have. There is not a day that goes by that she doesn't amaze me. And people wonder why I would try so hard for another. I think the amazing daughter I have should be answer enough.

Bernie

We saw a heartbeat!

We went for our U/S yesterday to make sure the embryo had not implanted in my tube again. It didn’t. The little guy was right where you want to see it; In my Uterus. There is only one in there. Since we can’t call them Burt and Ernie anymore because we know there is only one, we have decided to call the little bean Bernie.

I got a little nervous at first, because all I saw was the gestational sac and the doc says “I think I see……..oh I do….a heartbeat”. Of course I am going….umm where? And then all of a sudden I realized that little dot flickering was Bernie! I cried a little. I am so relieved.

Its official I am pregnant.

The only bad news is I have to wait two weeks to see my little guy again. Because we saw the h/b today Doc T made me cancel my appointment for Monday and reschedule for two weeks. Blah! But I am not going to complain. I am pregnant!

On a side note: Doc T was talking about all my meds etc and that he is going to start weaning me off them around 10weeks. I told him that I was leaving for our annual cabo trip on July 8th, which turns out to be exactly 10 weeks. He said “oh creepy” because last year I had to come home from Cabo because of my ectopic. It bothered me a little. I have been going on this trip every year since I was twelve. This year will be year number 20 I believe. Never before last year has anything bad happened. Plus, you can’t blame the trip for the tubal. I had it when I got there. I wish he had just kept his mouth shut. He just gave me something else to worry about.

I know I am not out of the woods and things can change literally in a heart beat. But I am going to do my best to just enjoy being pregnant and not stress. There is nothing I can do to change the outcome. I will continue to pray, eat well and try to keep the stress to a min. Other than that it is in God’s hands.

I had three betas total:
93 -8dp5dt (13dpo)
202 -10dp5dt (15dpo)
1256 -14dp5dt (19dpo)

My Doctor’s office doesn’t want me to have any more. They keep telling me I don’t need it. But I do. I tell you……..I do…….For my own sanity. M keeps telling me I don’t. But what do they all know?

I have another blood draw form. I could go at any time if I really wanted to. But I am trying not to. I am trying to keep myself under control. I did ask if I could have an earlier U/S. I wanted one on the 7th, but the doc was completely booked that day, so I am going on the 9th. They will just be looking for the Yolk Sac to ensure it is not in my tube. I then have my hb U/S on the 14th.

I am so nervous. I think part of my nerves stem from the fact that I really don’t feel pregnant. Everything I am feeling could be a symptom of the PIO. I have sore breasts, some mild nausea and am more tired than normal. None of which are really encouraging me. Having said all that, I also don’t have the bad feeling I did the whole time I was pg last winter. So maybe that in and of it self is the most important symptom.

Keeping my fingers crossed that things keeping progressing beautifully and either Burt or Ernie is snuck and comfy in there for the long haul. I am just sitting here waiting patiently or maybe not so patiently. I need to find my patience.