Hmmm…..What was it you all have been waiting for?

Oh yes, you are waiting for my Beta results. Well, I have been testing. I said I wouldn’t. I swore to myself I wouldn’t put myself what I went through last time. But I couldn’t resist I simply had to know.

Here are my 1st few tests;

Yep you saw that right, I even got a positive on a digi! Whoo Hoo! It was actually pretty funny, because I was being pretty sneaky with my testing so that M wouldn’t know. If it was positive I was going to surprise him with a onesie that said “Daddy’s Little Squirt.” But yesterday he asked if I had been testing. And I cannot tell a lie to my dear wonderful husband.

I showed him the darkest test I had taken to date that was from the afternoon of 6dp5dt. He was shocked. He said “wow! There really is a line there. Usually, when you show me those I have to squint to see the line.” He got in the shower, I went and got my trusty sidekick, my pee cup.

I took a digital. I am scared of digitals. I try not to take them because of those ugly, ugly words “NOT PREGNANT!”

But what to my wondrous surprise might appear? The word PREGNANT! I screamed, pretty loud. Loud enough that poor M in the shower almost had a heart attack and opens the shower door with soap all over his face and one I cracked. Sorry babe!

I had my first Beta today at 8dpt5d (or 13dpo). Which is actually a day early, but if we had done it tomorrow by second one would have been on Saturday and chances are the lab wouldn’t get the results to the docs office before noon, when they close on Saturday. I was hoping for anything over a 50. One day early, I knew it could be on the lower end, but was really rooting for over 50.

It was a 93! At 13dpo! When I had my ectopic it was a 14 and 14dpo. So a 93 was music to my ears.
So, the question is really; Is it my turn? I am sincerely hoping so. I am ready for my sunshine and rainbows. Preferably a Rainbow baby if possible. The whole thing is honestly feel very surreal. I am not sure what to think or feel. I really want this to be my Rainbow baby. But I know there are still so many hurdles to cross. I still have to have a good Beta on Friday. I then need to see a hb. We then have to make it past the 13 week point. The first trimester is going to be hard on me, but for the chance that this might be real. I am willing to deal with it.

Thinking of you all and praying for all my online friends fertile and infertile alike. I am really hoping for some BFPs this summer. Sticky ones at that!

FET

I did it. I had my transfer yesterday. Honestly, everything went well. Very similar to the first time. Luckily they only had to thaw two frosties to get two good ones. So I still have three left.

Which means we have one more shot after this and then..........well...... then I don't know. But I think we are probably done. We really can't spend the money for another fresh cycle. The cost is just too crazy for something that didn't work the first time.

For now I am just trying to relax and enjoy the time I am on bed rest. It is actually kind of hard for me. I am not a huge fan of just lying in my bed all day. I am not even supposed to sit up. I am supposed to just lie here. I can't even scan the pics of my embabies for you all.

Speaking of my embabies, they don't look like my fresh ones. They look a little sad. Doc T and the embryologist said that was completely normal. What matters is how well they thawed (great) how they looked before thaw (good) and that they are growing again prior to transfer (awesome). So I guess things are looking good from that point of view.

Since I named the last ones. I told Matt he should name these two. He decided they are Burt and Ernie. As long as they stick and are healthy and happy they can be anything they want!

A New Cycle & A New Look

We are starting a new cycle now, so I thought it was time for a new look. What do you think?

We had our follow-up with Doc T in March. It went pretty much as I expected. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened. I really thought this would work. How are you holding up?” Blah, blah, blah.

I cried a little bit. I cried because I was reminded of the hope that I had; the hopes that were completely dashed. And I cried because I realized that though we will go through with the Frozen transfer I don’t have much hope of success.

Doc T explained that he thinks the only thing that could have caused our failure was fluid from my left tube; which is blocked from my ectopic. Though, he really doesn’t think there was any present as they can normally see it on ultrasound.

The plan at this point is to plan on doing our Frozen Transfer on May 18th and closely watch my lining. If at any point there is any sign of fluid, we will cancel the cycle and he wants me to have surgery to either remove or tie off my left tube. And then we will try the frozen transfer once I am healed from surgery.

At this point, I am not feeling much about this plan. I am not scared, I am not nervous, but at the same time I am not hopeful. I am pretty much numb. It makes me kind of sad that I feel this way, I miss that beautiful feeling of hope that I had before my IVF, but at the same time, I would rather be numb then get my hopes up again and have them destroyed again.

The only problem is that they put me back on the BCP. Which is not my friend. It brought out my inner witch as well as made me gain weight again. I have gained about 20lbs now between the two cycles.

The Lupron is making me weepy and emotional. Tomorrow I get to add in Estrogen.

Let the good times roll.