A New Cycle & A New Look

We are starting a new cycle now, so I thought it was time for a new look. What do you think?

We had our follow-up with Doc T in March. It went pretty much as I expected. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened. I really thought this would work. How are you holding up?” Blah, blah, blah.

I cried a little bit. I cried because I was reminded of the hope that I had; the hopes that were completely dashed. And I cried because I realized that though we will go through with the Frozen transfer I don’t have much hope of success.

Doc T explained that he thinks the only thing that could have caused our failure was fluid from my left tube; which is blocked from my ectopic. Though, he really doesn’t think there was any present as they can normally see it on ultrasound.

The plan at this point is to plan on doing our Frozen Transfer on May 18th and closely watch my lining. If at any point there is any sign of fluid, we will cancel the cycle and he wants me to have surgery to either remove or tie off my left tube. And then we will try the frozen transfer once I am healed from surgery.

At this point, I am not feeling much about this plan. I am not scared, I am not nervous, but at the same time I am not hopeful. I am pretty much numb. It makes me kind of sad that I feel this way, I miss that beautiful feeling of hope that I had before my IVF, but at the same time, I would rather be numb then get my hopes up again and have them destroyed again.

The only problem is that they put me back on the BCP. Which is not my friend. It brought out my inner witch as well as made me gain weight again. I have gained about 20lbs now between the two cycles.

The Lupron is making me weepy and emotional. Tomorrow I get to add in Estrogen.

Let the good times roll.