Mayor of Crazy Town

I am a member of a couple online forums regarding IVF. These forums have been a great source of support for me through this process and a great outlet for my emotions. On one particular thread, the other member’s discourage testing early. They feel the sticks are “evil.” In some ways they are right. Those little pink lines can take you to the highest of highs and lowest of lows and aren’t 100% accurate. If you test or begin obsessing over symptoms they say you are entering crazy town.

Today I am announcing my candidacy for Mayor of Crazy Town!

As many of you know I had POAS last week (a few times) and I wasn’t sure of the results. I thought they could be the trigger, evaps or just a really early positive. Yesterday I tested again. It was negative. There was no denying it. It was stark white. You could even see the indention where the second line should have been.

I am not proud to admit this, but I crashed. I completely fell apart. I cried and cried. I told M I wasn’t sure I wanted to transfer our frosties because I wasn’t sure I could handle the emotional side of it all. I spent the morning in bed wallowing in my own self-pity. I didn’t even go to church. I sent M with L and my niece and stayed in bed. I did finally get out of bed in the afternoon and started planning a trip to Disney World for L’s 4th birthday in April. Something I will not do if I am pregnant. I pulled myself out of my despair and started making plans for the future.

To all you who think I completely overreacted. The last time I was pg I had a beta of 14 and I had a definite positive on an FRER. The fact that at 11DPO there was no evidence of a line was a pretty strong indication that there was NO HCG in my blood.

Fast forward to this morning, I tested again. I know crazy, right? Why do you think I have nominated myself as Mayor of Crazy town?

This test was positive! What?!?!?! I had accepted I wasn’t pg and was just POAS to keep me from getting my hopes up between now and beta. But this is the most positive of them all. The line came up almost immediately. It is still exceptionally faint, but it is most definitely there. I don’t know what to think. Chemical? Resurgence of trigger? Or could I possible be……………I am afraid to even type it. One thing I can tell you with 100% certainty is that this is not the trigger. (When looking at the picture remember, iti s completely unedited, so you can no longer see the line from 4dp5dt and today's looks really faint, but IRL today's is faint, but you don't have to squint or even really look for it. It is really, really obvious!)

As you can see, I am truly the best candidate for Mayor of Crazy town.

Trigger?

M! If you are reading this and want to be surprised on Wed stop reading now!!!

I gave in yesterday at 4dp5pt and POAS. I know some women think we shouldn’t do this, but I am with Sonya in feeling like it prepares me. Regardless of why, I did it.

I was pretty excited because I got a line. Albeit a very, very, faint one, but a line none the less. Yesterday’s test is the top one in the picture. Tested again today, really expecting the line to get darker, but if it is it is just a tiny bit darker. Today’s test looks lighter in the picture, but it is definitely as dark if not slightly dark IRL. Believe me I have stared at them enough to know. If they weren't pink, I would think they were evaps. (My camera hates taking pics of pg tests for some reason. They always come out horrible. So, I darkened the picture so you can better see what I see IRL) Ugh! Just looking at that picture is depressing.

Yesterday I was pretty excited. By the end of the day I had convinced myself that this was real. Today……well……. I am starting to doubt it. Shouldn’t today’s test have been noticeably darker? I am feeling pretty sad and missing Hans and Frans already. Which I know is stupid, I am only 10DPO and 5dp5dt.

It is possible that it is still just the trigger, though if it is my body certainly likes to hang onto that trigger. I triggered on Feb 1st and took 7,500IU. Which is 2,500IU less than the norm. For most people it would be out of their system within 10days on a full dose. I am 12 days past trigger with ¾ of a dose.

On another note; I have had extreme nausea today. I am fairly certain it is from the estrace. I took it last night before bed with the rest of my vitamins and have felt pretty rotten all day. Is anyone else taking this? Are you having any side effects? This stuff is crazy. Directly on the bottle is says “do not take if pregnant or planning to become pregnant.” So I googled it and found that it is category X for pregnancy and can cause birth defects. Does anyone else find this concerning?

Here is the only real explanation I could find for why it would be prescribed during with IVF “One of the major hormones of pregnancy, estrogen helps maintain the endometrial lining of the uterus”. It came from a discussion on About.com regarding PCOS.

I am all over the board today. From a weeping emotional, queasy mess; to grumpy; to positive it worked. I just need to know!! Apparently, I am not as patient of a person as I thought I was.

**If you are having trouble posting comments on this post can you let me know on a earlier post**