I am a member of a couple online forums regarding IVF. These forums have been a great source of support for me through this process and a great outlet for my emotions. On one particular thread, the other member’s discourage testing early. They feel the sticks are “evil.” In some ways they are right. Those little pink lines can take you to the highest of highs and lowest of lows and aren’t 100% accurate. If you test or begin obsessing over symptoms they say you are entering crazy town.
Today I am announcing my candidacy for Mayor of Crazy Town!
As many of you know I had POAS last week (a few times) and I wasn’t sure of the results. I thought they could be the trigger, evaps or just a really early positive. Yesterday I tested again. It was negative. There was no denying it. It was stark white. You could even see the indention where the second line should have been.
I am not proud to admit this, but I crashed. I completely fell apart. I cried and cried. I told M I wasn’t sure I wanted to transfer our frosties because I wasn’t sure I could handle the emotional side of it all. I spent the morning in bed wallowing in my own self-pity. I didn’t even go to church. I sent M with L and my niece and stayed in bed. I did finally get out of bed in the afternoon and started planning a trip to Disney World for L’s 4th birthday in April. Something I will not do if I am pregnant. I pulled myself out of my despair and started making plans for the future.
To all you who think I completely overreacted. The last time I was pg I had a beta of 14 and I had a definite positive on an FRER. The fact that at 11DPO there was no evidence of a line was a pretty strong indication that there was NO HCG in my blood.
Fast forward to this morning, I tested again. I know crazy, right? Why do you think I have nominated myself as Mayor of Crazy town?
This test was positive! What?!?!?! I had accepted I wasn’t pg and was just PO
AS to keep me from getting my hopes up between now and beta. But this is the most positive of them all. The line came up almost immediately. It is still exceptionally faint, but it is most definitely there. I don’t know what to think. Chemical? Resurgence of trigger? Or could I possible be……………I am afraid to even type it. One thing I can tell you with 100% certainty is that this is not the trigger. (When looking at the picture remember, iti s completely unedited, so you can no longer see the line from 4dp5dt and today's looks really faint, but IRL today's is faint, but you don't have to squint or even really look for it. It is really, really obvious!)
As you can see, I am truly the best candidate for Mayor of Crazy town.
Today I am announcing my candidacy for Mayor of Crazy Town!
As many of you know I had POAS last week (a few times) and I wasn’t sure of the results. I thought they could be the trigger, evaps or just a really early positive. Yesterday I tested again. It was negative. There was no denying it. It was stark white. You could even see the indention where the second line should have been.
I am not proud to admit this, but I crashed. I completely fell apart. I cried and cried. I told M I wasn’t sure I wanted to transfer our frosties because I wasn’t sure I could handle the emotional side of it all. I spent the morning in bed wallowing in my own self-pity. I didn’t even go to church. I sent M with L and my niece and stayed in bed. I did finally get out of bed in the afternoon and started planning a trip to Disney World for L’s 4th birthday in April. Something I will not do if I am pregnant. I pulled myself out of my despair and started making plans for the future.
To all you who think I completely overreacted. The last time I was pg I had a beta of 14 and I had a definite positive on an FRER. The fact that at 11DPO there was no evidence of a line was a pretty strong indication that there was NO HCG in my blood.
Fast forward to this morning, I tested again. I know crazy, right? Why do you think I have nominated myself as Mayor of Crazy town?
This test was positive! What?!?!?! I had accepted I wasn’t pg and was just PO
AS to keep me from getting my hopes up between now and beta. But this is the most positive of them all. The line came up almost immediately. It is still exceptionally faint, but it is most definitely there. I don’t know what to think. Chemical? Resurgence of trigger? Or could I possible be……………I am afraid to even type it. One thing I can tell you with 100% certainty is that this is not the trigger. (When looking at the picture remember, iti s completely unedited, so you can no longer see the line from 4dp5dt and today's looks really faint, but IRL today's is faint, but you don't have to squint or even really look for it. It is really, really obvious!)As you can see, I am truly the best candidate for Mayor of Crazy town.
4 comments:
Oh sweetie I'm so sorry for your roller coaster ride but it sounds as though you ended on a high note! Unfortunately, I cannot help elect you to Mayor of Crazytown b/c I would do the very same thing. I would absolutely do exactly as you (and Sonya) have done and poas every single day. Besides, look how well it turned out for her! The women who can control themselves...well they have my respect! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Keep us posted!
Mayor of Crazy Town? You mean I'm losing the position now that I'm considered sane again? *evil laugh*
Geez! Okay, I'm gonna be tough here... it's REALLY tough to get a line at only 6dpt! LOL But you know, and I know, and everyone knows, that you can't get a trigger that comes and goes.
If you can, try to be as hopeful as you can about this cycle, positive energy is the one thing you can control, and the best thing for the implanting embryo.
I see the line, no denying it. Compare it to my line at 12dpo and you'll see they are very close!
I think anyone that has gone through IVF does the excessive testing and such... Maybe try another brand and see if the lines are darker. This coud be a batch that won't get dark. I had taken a test at 10sp4dtransfer at the RE's office and the urine test was sooooo faint. My beta was over 300. The Re said he thought he had a batch that showed light.
was hoping you would test and post again! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!!
Post a Comment