Jan 3, 2009
I had a small breakdown tonight. Not really about IVF, but ultimately it was caused by our infertility issues. L and my niece, SN, are 5 months apart in age. They have always done everything together.
When they started pre-school I researched schools and chose one and my sister put SN there as well. We had agreed that when they were 4 we would move them to another local private school because the one they are at only goes through pre-k and the private school that we want them to attend elementary school at is difficult to get into if you don’t go to their Pre-K program.
Tonight we were discussing next year as we have to register them now for Pre-K. My sister now wants to leave my niece at the school they are currently at and then possibly send her to public school for Kindergarten. If we send the girls to public school for Kindergarten they will end up in different schools because of the school districts where we live. I got really upset and started crying on the way home. SN is the closest L may ever come to having a sister. I don’t want to take that away from her, but it seems like my sister does. Just writing about it is making me cry.
I want her to have what I had growing up. My siblings and I were so close. We still are. But when we were little it was always a huge comfort to know that if I needed them, they were close by. Just in another classroom. L, if I am completely honest with myself, will probably never have that. But I thought she would have her cousin. Now it looks like she won’t even have that and it really, really sucks. I feel like, in this aspect, I am failing her.
The Walking Dead 6x09 Session 6 Episode 9
10 years ago
2 comments:
Perhaps your sister simply can't afford to put her child in private school and doesn't know how to tell you? While it's important for children to have a sense of family, your daughter will develop many wonderful relationships all on her own, perhaps many that she would never experience if she were in a 'buddy' relationship with her cousin. If they are not together all day, they will look forward to sleepovers, holidays and summer camp together. You're too hard on yourself. Be grateful that you have a beautiful daughter and that she's healthy and happy! You can't get through this journey unless you keep your sights high and keep things in perspective. I think you have excellent chances for IVF and for bringing home that little brother or sister. Keep writing, keep feeling and keep your chin up!
Oh.. and you are NOT a failure! You are a FIGHTER! :)
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