It’s a……………Boy!
Last Friday the three of us went to my 16week scan together (more on that later). At first the tech couldn’t get him to show the goods, but once he finally did, he just kept showing her. He most have shown them clearly 4 or 5 times through-out the time we were there. Here is a pic of the
goods for those who know what they are looking at.
L was a little disappointed. She had really been hoping for a little sister, but she is getting used to the idea. Every once in a while she says “I am sad that Bernie is a boy. I really wanted a sister.”
I am a little sad for her. As somebody who has both a brother and sisters, I can honestly say the bond is completely different between the two. I love my brother dearly, but it just isn’t the same. I am sad that L is not going to have that. But M is ecstatic. He kept saying “I didn’t think I really cared, but I am pretty excited”. I think I knew the whole time that I would be sad for one of them and happy for the other.
As for the complications: During the u/s everything was going great. We got a pic of Bernie yawning. We saw him making a muscle. All the measurements were good; until we got to the heart. At first the tech was having a hard time getting a good picture, because of the position he was in. Finally, he changed positions and she started taking measurements. As she was doing this she got quieter. Then she placed an arrow next to a little white dot and put some initials next to it. At that point I realized something wasn’t right. I asked her what it was and she said it is a “bright spot.” It can be a “soft-marker” for genetic diseases, it can indicate a type of heart disease or it can simply be a calcium or mineral deposit that means nothing. Well……F&*@! From my own research I have learned this is called an Echogenic Intracardiac Focus.
The doc finally came in and looked at his heart as well. Afterwards, he chatted with us and said he doesn’t think Bernie has any problems, but he wanted me to get the Quad screening done and come back in 4 weeks. The reason he doesn’t think there is a problem is because his NT scan was in completely normal ranges, the 12w blood work came back with a 1/1500 chance of DS, he has a visible nasal bone and he has none of the other soft markers. The spot on his heart increases the odds by 150. So as of right now we have a 1/1350 chance of the baby having a genetic defect. We will get the results of the quad screening next week and those odds will be adjusted accordingly.
I honestly don’t know what to think or feel. I am scared. Worried. Everyone wants to know if we will do an amnio. We won’t. For me the risk is too great of miscarriage and regardless of whether there is something wrong or not, I will not terminate, I will love my baby and cherish him. Doing the amnio would be great in it would give me definitive answers, not some stupid odds, but it just isn’t worth it. I will have answers in February either way. If my nerves survive until then that is.
All I can do is pray. I am praying that he is healthy and stays that way. But mostly I am praying for peace and acceptance. I can’t change the outcome. I am trying to give my fear to God and know that his will is divine. There are moments when the stress and worry starts to take over and I want to scream and yell and throw things. Those are the times I pray the hardest.
Every time I feel Bernie move I am reminded of the miracle growing within me. Even if genetically he is not perfect.
Last Friday the three of us went to my 16week scan together (more on that later). At first the tech couldn’t get him to show the goods, but once he finally did, he just kept showing her. He most have shown them clearly 4 or 5 times through-out the time we were there. Here is a pic of the
goods for those who know what they are looking at.L was a little disappointed. She had really been hoping for a little sister, but she is getting used to the idea. Every once in a while she says “I am sad that Bernie is a boy. I really wanted a sister.”
I am a little sad for her. As somebody who has both a brother and sisters, I can honestly say the bond is completely different between the two. I love my brother dearly, but it just isn’t the same. I am sad that L is not going to have that. But M is ecstatic. He kept saying “I didn’t think I really cared, but I am pretty excited”. I think I knew the whole time that I would be sad for one of them and happy for the other.
As for the complications: During the u/s everything was going great. We got a pic of Bernie yawning. We saw him making a muscle. All the measurements were good; until we got to the heart. At first the tech was having a hard time getting a good picture, because of the position he was in. Finally, he changed positions and she started taking measurements. As she was doing this she got quieter. Then she placed an arrow next to a little white dot and put some initials next to it. At that point I realized something wasn’t right. I asked her what it was and she said it is a “bright spot.” It can be a “soft-marker” for genetic diseases, it can indicate a type of heart disease or it can simply be a calcium or mineral deposit that means nothing. Well……F&*@! From my own research I have learned this is called an Echogenic Intracardiac Focus.
The doc finally came in and looked at his heart as well. Afterwards, he chatted with us and said he doesn’t think Bernie has any problems, but he wanted me to get the Quad screening done and come back in 4 weeks. The reason he doesn’t think there is a problem is because his NT scan was in completely normal ranges, the 12w blood work came back with a 1/1500 chance of DS, he has a visible nasal bone and he has none of the other soft markers. The spot on his heart increases the odds by 150. So as of right now we have a 1/1350 chance of the baby having a genetic defect. We will get the results of the quad screening next week and those odds will be adjusted accordingly.
I honestly don’t know what to think or feel. I am scared. Worried. Everyone wants to know if we will do an amnio. We won’t. For me the risk is too great of miscarriage and regardless of whether there is something wrong or not, I will not terminate, I will love my baby and cherish him. Doing the amnio would be great in it would give me definitive answers, not some stupid odds, but it just isn’t worth it. I will have answers in February either way. If my nerves survive until then that is.
All I can do is pray. I am praying that he is healthy and stays that way. But mostly I am praying for peace and acceptance. I can’t change the outcome. I am trying to give my fear to God and know that his will is divine. There are moments when the stress and worry starts to take over and I want to scream and yell and throw things. Those are the times I pray the hardest.
Every time I feel Bernie move I am reminded of the miracle growing within me. Even if genetically he is not perfect.
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