As far as Bernie and I, we are doing good as far as I know. I had another appointment almost two weeks ago. I was really nervous and scared. But everything went perfectly. We got to see Bernie's hb again as well as hear it. A perfect 154bpm.
I have another appointment on Wednesday. I don't really want to go. If there is something wrong I really don't want to know before I go on vacation. I want to have a nice vacation. I don't want to be depressed and bleeding.
The weird thing about it all is that I am not really nervous. When I lost the baby in April 09 I was a wreck for weeks before I found out. I just had a gut feeling something was wrong. This time I am completely at peace. I don't know why I am so peaceful this time. Does that mean everything is ok with Bernie? Or does it mean that I have accepted that there is nothing I can do to change the outcome?
I wish I had answers. I wish I could see the future and know whether Bernie is my Rainbow baby or not. But right now I am at peace. But I still don't want to know until after my vacation if something is wrong. There is no way out of it though. I have to go. If everything is fine they need to start weaning me off my meds.
One day at a time. Right?
1 comments:
Hey kiddo.. you really hit the nail on the head... I'm also feeling very calm and relaxed about this. I was a wreck with the last cycle in January - just knew in my gut something was wrong. This time, even with my low rising betas, I feel at ease. I am so happy that your ultrasound went great - stop worrying!! :)
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