Sometimes I wonder what us infertiles did to deserve all this bull. Why should we have to be the ones that have to do this? Why should we have to know the pain of multiple miscarriages? Why are we the ones to continually have our hopes dashed against the rocks?
I know. The real question is; Why not me? And if someone has to go through this, at least I know I am strong enough to weather the storm. Though the truth is, I didn’t know how strong I was until going through all of this. I wouldn’t wish what I have been through on my worst enemy. That is what is causing the rub today; Reading/hearing about heartbreak and more struggles.
I have some few online “friends” and some blogs I follow. One of the woman, whose blog I follow recently lost her pregnancy. She went through IVF a few weeks before I did. One of my online “friends” just found out she has a blighted Ovum. She went through IVF about a week ahead of me. Another of my online friends recently found out she lost one of her twins. She went through IVF a few weeks befor
e me. WHY?!?!? I don’t understand. Haven’t these women been through enough? Can’t they just have a chance to enjoy a beautiful happy pregnancy?
I am just sick of it. I don’t expect all sunshine and rainbows, but haven’t we all weathered enough storms? Isn’t it our turn for some sunshine and rainbows?
I know I am ranting, but I am frustrated. One of the things that helped me deal with my BFN was seeing so many women, women I have truly come to care about, happy and successful. Now I am watching so much of that come crashing down like a house of card and it makes me angry and so very sad.
I know. The real question is; Why not me? And if someone has to go through this, at least I know I am strong enough to weather the storm. Though the truth is, I didn’t know how strong I was until going through all of this. I wouldn’t wish what I have been through on my worst enemy. That is what is causing the rub today; Reading/hearing about heartbreak and more struggles.
I have some few online “friends” and some blogs I follow. One of the woman, whose blog I follow recently lost her pregnancy. She went through IVF a few weeks before I did. One of my online “friends” just found out she has a blighted Ovum. She went through IVF about a week ahead of me. Another of my online friends recently found out she lost one of her twins. She went through IVF a few weeks befor
e me. WHY?!?!? I don’t understand. Haven’t these women been through enough? Can’t they just have a chance to enjoy a beautiful happy pregnancy?I am just sick of it. I don’t expect all sunshine and rainbows, but haven’t we all weathered enough storms? Isn’t it our turn for some sunshine and rainbows?
I know I am ranting, but I am frustrated. One of the things that helped me deal with my BFN was seeing so many women, women I have truly come to care about, happy and successful. Now I am watching so much of that come crashing down like a house of card and it makes me angry and so very sad.
I am ready for sunshine and rainbows. Even if they aren’t mine.
2 comments:
When my sister found out her cancer had returned.. she said "why me?". After a few months, she said she changed her question to "why NOT me?"
There is no good answer for either question.
I know it's hard. Thank you for mentioning me.. for keeping me in your thoughts. It is hard to see the women around us fall down on their knees again and again. The view from down here sucks hard.
It'll happen. And there are rainbows in all our lives... sometimes we just get so focused looking for new ones...
((hugs))
This process is definitely frustrating! I never really stopped to think about "Why Not me?!?" All the crap that I deal with has made me so strong! I'm ready for some rainbows too!
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